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AlexisAuer

the world is quiet here
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After this week's drama, I've been instructed to think positive, and record my accomplishments so that I can look back later and be proud of myself.
-Refrained from counting my steps
-Worked my average schedule, no overtime and no sick days
-Vented to Ella about normal things instead of bottling them up
-Made friends with Tony
-Completed 12 scholarship essays
-Overcame my nervousness and called an Infectious Disease research lab with questions
-Impressed a college professor that I will have at least one class with next year
-Survived a family get together
-Took time out of my day to relax and read. (Finished Ruby Red series, now I'm reading A Long Way Gone)
-Made this list, giving myself praise instead of being upset at myself for not doing more
-Slept at least ten hours so far
-Stayed hydrated enough to satisfy my doctor

:peace::heart::)

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I really love this journal skin, so I felt like using it.
I'm actually really lucky. My life is good right now, and I'm happy about it.
I have an excellent job, and I will hopefully have a second excellent job soon. I have the stories, and they get me through everything.
I've been reading a lot. Isn't it amazing how a book can get you to a fantastic place, far away from your troubles? 
I also have made the most epic college decisions ever. OIT is an awesome school. I love the climate, the challenging curriculum, the small(ish) student body, and they're letting me take Kiki! I'll be living on campus in an apartment with three other girls. I'm in the process of finding roommates on a Facebook app for on campus housing, and even though I've gotten quite a lot of rejection emails, I'm really hopeful that I'll find a great group of girls. I'm also in touch with a young man who is in my major, and it seems like we're getting along well. Maybe I'll have a friend. :)
The family issues have calmed, but it isn't over yet. It's survivable, at least.

So many good things. :) I'm just so... Exhausted. I'm not really sleeping, and even though my life is pretty good, I'm really busy. I'm way more tired than I should be. Maybe I'm just sick. It'll probably go away. But I'm still being positive.

All is well. :heart:

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Bounce Back

3 min read
I've been pushed down over and over and over again. Every time I feel like the world is ending, and I hate myself for not being better. Not  being right for the job. Not being good enough for someone to choose me as a roommate. Not getting a better grade. Not, not, not.
But, every time I get back up, and you know what? I kick ASS. 
I work so hard. So what if I get rejected again and again? I pick myself up eventually , and I give it my all.
Someone made a comment about me today. "Kate" they said, "You never give less than. 150%." It's true. I put every ounce of energy I have into what I'm doing. 

Maybe I'll never prove those potential roommates or potential bosses wrong. Maybe next time I'll fail again. But I will still give 150% until the day I die. Who knows, maybe next time I'll win.


My new anxiety pills get me high as the sky, so after my meltdown today, I took one, and the next thing I know I was typing this...


I'm so stressed I've been sleep-baking to cope... Help.

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Busy, but nice

4 min read
Life has been crazy lately, but it's all good. I'm working on housing applications and registration. I also have senior pictures rapidly approaching, so that'll be cool.
Everything that I'm working on right now is good and fun and all that, but it is a lot. I'm pretty run down, and with finals around the corner, I have four quartets staring down my throat and a lot of Venture homework. 
Thankfully, I have support, and I appreciate how my friends have been helping me cope. :3



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Brainpower

4 min read
I'm not usually one to brag about my accomplishments, but the only positive thing I could ever say about myself is that I'm smart. Smarter than a lot of people, at least (not my friends... I have smart friends.) It's the only thing I like about myself, actually. I may not be beautiful, or skinny, but my brain is beautiful. 
In second grade, we all got copies of the children's dictionary to take home. I was so thrilled. I took it home and kept it in my room, away from my destructive sister. I read the entire thing, and went back to tell my teacher, and she didn't believe me. No one does. I sat and read my older sister's college chemistry books several times. Those are some of my best memories. 
But things are better now. Lots better. I have some great friends, and this time I think they really like me. It isn't for show. I know I don't deserve them, but I wouldn't give them up for anything. I don't leave the house a lot. I don't get asked to "hang out" hardly ever. But now I remember why I like it so much. I would wait on them hand and foot if it meant spending more time with them, laughing. (Which is what got me into trouble in fourth grade, but that was way different.)
The weird part is that they take care of me. I'm defiitely not used to that. And I'm very grateful, because I am terrible at taking care of myself.

Anyways, the real reason I'm posting this is that I've had some progress on the college front.
I have officially accepted admission to the Oregon Institute of Technology's Clinical Lab Science program. It's going to be three terms a year for six years, with about 16 credits a term, but I'm really excited. If you're interested, ask me for details. I've told my cat and my reflection about it like a million times. I'm a little dorky when I talk about it, but it makes me so truly happy. I'm working on housing applications now, but since I have a therapy cat, there are a lot of hoops to jump through.
Registration is in June, and I'm all signed up.
I also have a consultation for my senior pictures this monday. Lots of stuff happening.

Keep my sister in your prayers. Her shoulder is healing, but it's very slow, and she's still in a lot of pain. 

Goodnight... And thanks.


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Positive things I've done this week by AlexisAuer, journal

Breath of fresh air :) by AlexisAuer, journal

Bounce Back by AlexisAuer, journal

Busy, but nice by AlexisAuer, journal

Brainpower by AlexisAuer, journal