Okay, I try not to brag about this, because I'm afraid that if I say that I'm smart, people won't agree and then I'll get all disappointed.
Well, I'm smart. I'm really smart.
Last year I finished French 2 with 104%, and this year I have above a 4.0. Yes, it's partially because I work really hard to get the grades that I do, but I also think that I am really smart.
I really want to be appreciated for that, and so I'm trying to get used to saying it.
I'm really trying to work on my self confidence, so that I can be a better person for one of the few people that I have left. She's stuck with me through thick and thin, and I don't want to lose her. Not over something that I can do my damnedest to fix.
The truth is, I'm exhausted and fairly worn down. My classes from this year have taken their toll and the stress has made me more susceptible to infections and bugs. I mean, there are definitely people who have it way worse than me, I'm not trying to throw a pity party for myself, I'm just... Bleh this week.
And I guess the thing that hit me the hardest was what happened with him. As most of you probably know, I liked this guy for six years, and he completely rejected me, and that hurt. Well, I've done some healing and actually learned to develop a crush on another boy.
He's smart, funny, romantic, and constantly compliments me. We had talked about going out sometime, but then I reminded him that I had to be sixteen, and we stopped talking about it for a while.
And last week he came out to me.
I don't begrudge him in the slightest, it's the way he is, and I get that. That's also why I haven't really talked to anyone about it. I wanted to wait until things cooled down so that I could look back and describe it in a less emotional way. So if you've noticed how moody I've been, that's one of the many reasons why, besides the fact that I can be pretty b*tchy when I don't think before I speak. I'm working on it.
It isn't shocking, but it's a little upsetting, because I actually really liked him, and I was looking forward to dating him.
He told me that he is also a cross dresser, and he has invited me to go get mani pedis with him... Maybe that will be fun. Again, I'm not angry with him in the slightest, just... A little bummed, you know?
Any advice on how I can show my support? I just want to be a good friend to me, since he trusted me with this secret.
Reading: Fahrenheit 451
Watching: Family Guy
Drinking: Propel (the berry kind... Lemon is just nasty)