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About Deviant Member Alexis AuerFemale/United States Groups :iconpoetrylive: PoetryLive
 
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:iconpoetrylive: :icondaughtersofthedawn:

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Have you ever noticed       decited reve uoy evaH
How people act                            tca elpoep woH
So very different than        naht tnereffid yerv oS
How they feel                                leef yeht woH

Sometimes I hurt                      truh I semitemoS
More than I can handle.     eldnah nac I naht eroM

But I always                                     syawla I tuB

S M I L E
E L I M S
Mirrors
Been sitting on this one for a while.
It's not really recent, this is just the first time I've had computer access.
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(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)
know I'm too much sometimes. I just miss her so much it forms a little knot in my stomach, and when she comes online, or texts me back, it unties and I'm relaxed. That's the only time I relax anymore. Not even professional massage therapists can release that tension now. But she's magic. It just all disappears. Sometimes I cry when I see a response. It just feels like I finally have someone. I don't have to be alone anymore. Maybe it isn't a big deal for her, and this is all just dramatics, but to me it's reality. I sit on the edge of my seat when I see a new message, holding my breath. Most of the time it's spam, or Facebook letting me know that a friend of a friend posted on her cousin's friend's husband's profile.
Sometimes I can't contain myself and I just text her. I look back on the messages, reading her responses. Usually there is one of her replies every six of my messages. It makes me feel sick, how desperate and obnoxious I must seem. But I can't help myself. I get so greedy when she texts me back. I suddenly need that attention I've been craving, and it takes me an hour, maybe even a day to wind myself down and leave her alone. It's just so nice to be cared about.
And now it's worse than ever. I've had a hard week, but I'm pretty good at hiding it. Not good enough. I can't help it anymore... I can't do it. So all of the emotion has to come out, and this is the only way that helps. This and squeezing a little stuffed bunny that means everything to me.
So, I'm going to talk about him... It feels insignificant now, but when I wrote the first part, it was a big deal. So I'll read and edit this next part, and hopefully it will be one less thing crushing my soul and strangling my heart.
And then I'll never post it, because this is stupid, accomplishes nothing for anyone besides me, and just seems like a waste of time. Besides...
Who gves a fuck about what happened?
I'm too emotionally drained for this. i'm going to go shut down.
It's one am now, and she said she'd be around, there's no trace. I understand, she's busy and has more important things. i'm going to crash and hopefully never wake back up.

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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014
I finally binged on all those videos. I watched all of the ones you posted on my profile. It was nice to have something light to watch.
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Good. They're dirty, but fun. And a good way to relax.
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014
Yeah. 
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jfU7p…

Also this. Don't view in good company. Or without headphones.
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014
I'll watch it later.
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0m9QUo…

Do not watch without headphones.
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Reply
:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFPKSL…

This one is just funny.
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
I'm not going to be home until late tomorrow.
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
...Son of a bitch. All right, well, I'm at a book club tomorrow and then I'm going to spend a few hours baking.
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
I'll be around all day, so I'll keep an eye out. I just won't be alone until late.
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(1 Reply)
:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Reply
:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
1) I'm in love with this chick.
2) This describes my life.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqhgBz…
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
Yeah... At a mormon family reunion. Maybe later.
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
XD Sounds... eventful.
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
So much drama. 
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(1 Reply)
:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Pedicure at 3, then I'm yours for the rest of the day.
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014
I had a shift. I'm here for the rest of the night.
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014
XD 
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:iconsoruai-miera:
Soruai-Miera Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I found a phone case able to withstand your constant clumsiness!
www.redbubble.com/people/natal…
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:iconcolettebabb:
ColetteBabb Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014
:D
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